Goodbye isn’t easy. Especially when it’s too the one you loved more than anything else in the world. But I belive that lost love always leaves behind a little gift. Most of the time it’s a lesson about life, and love. A lesson that you will cherish for the rest of your life. In my case though, mine left me a pile of poop on the lawn.

The weird part was that she wasn’t the first person to say goodbye that way.

On the morning of September 9^th, after 16 wonderful, joyous, poop-on-the-lawn-filled years, Hershey, my dog, my best friend, passed away.

I will miss you old friend.

I guess you never expect the death of a pet to affect you so strongly. Nothing can prepare you. Before Hershey, I only had to bury one pet in my life: My pet rock.

In fact it seems like only yesterday I got my pet rock. He first wandered into my life late one night when he jumped right through my parent’s bedroom window. I wanted a pet so badly that I begged my parents to let me keep him. And after the cops left that night, I named him "Ransom Note."

But the death of my pet rock wasn’t so hard on me because I didn’t really have to "bury" him. Let’s just call it an accident. I should have never taken him down with me to the river to skip stones.

But having a pet rock is very different from a dog (they poop a lot less). Even the loss of my next pet couldn’t prepare me for the future. The next pet I got was a set of 4 goldfish (Peter, Ray, Egon and Winston) I got for Christmas when I was 7. I had a strong connection with those fish from the beginning. I remember how I took the paper bag off of their fish bowl Christmas morning, and each one looked straight up at me as if to say "Thank you for saving our lives from that evil pet shop! We love you new owner! We know you will take good care of us!"

Then they all rolled over and floated to the top of the bowl.

Merry Fish-mas, everybody.

But nothing could have prepared me for the loss of Hershey. She was more than a pet. She truly was my best friend. A lot of people who knew us might not have understood that, but let me explain. Our relationship wasn’t the kind of one you see on TV between an owner and their pet… And I think that’s what made it special.

Hershey and I didn’t go play fetch in the park, because she was the kind of dog who thought it was much funnier to watch me throw the ball and go retrieve it myself while she ate stuff she found in the dirt. Hershey wasn’t the kind of dog that wanted to be picked up, cuddled and showered with love. She would rather have been left on the floor and showered in bacon. And no, I didn’t dress Hershey up in designer sweaters like a show dog owner, because, let’s be honest, Hershey would have torn my arm off if I tried… And that’s exactly what I would have wanted her to do.

She wasn’t your normal dog. Most dogs loved following their owner around and being petted. Hershey liked eating and being left alone… Well, at least that’s the Hershey that most people knew. But not me. I knew the real Hershey. I knew that she liked eating, being left alone AND peeing on things.

The fact was that Hershey didn’t show love the same way an average dog does. And that made her special to me. She did show love, in her own way.

The Hershey I knew would wait up in the living room until 4 in the morning when I would come home into a pitch black house and just wag her tail until I tripped over her and broke a lamp. I’m pretty sure she thought that was hilarious. We would stay up for the next hour playing with her squeak toy, just laying there or looking for a good place to hide the lamp from mom.

The Hershey I knew would push you’re door open in the morning just to come say hello (not in English- but in French once, which was very confusing). She may not have always wanted to cuddle up in your lap on a winter night, but she would make sure her head would rest on your leg (incase you dropped a cookie). She would never hold a grudge no matter how many Nerf darts Brandon and I would shoot at her, no matter how many times I tied her up and spun her around in a blanket, buried her in the sand or feed her jalapeno peppers with my Papa. She just loved. And that’s the Hershey I will always remember.

She did leave one last poop on my parent’s front lawn before she passed away. I had to clean it up days later. I think it was her sense of humor, and way to say goodbye to me. She certainly did always make me smile.

Hersh- I hope your up there pooping for Jesus right now. He’ll be lucky to have you there. And as I used to always say to mom and dad "I’ll clean it up later". And I will this time.

Goodbye old friend.

Dear Santa,

I have been very good this year.

And right off the bat, I want to apologize for the big mix up last Christmas. I know the court decided that I was technically "stealing Christmas". But I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I was more like "borrowing it". And no, I’m not saying this just because my lawyer told me I should if I "even have a dream of getting out on good behavior". I hope we can put the whole thing behind us, because I don’t really think it was either of our faults.

But while we’re still on the subject, would you mind giving your old John Hancock on this signed confession stating that the whole ordeal was your fault? Just an idea.

Anyway, I just want it to be clear that the whole thing was a mix up and I was just trying too "borrow Christmas". After all, I thought we were cool about that sort of thing. I mean, you "borrowed" my lawn mower back in ‘82, and funny thing is I still haven’t seen it since. I mean, come on, you don’t’ even have a lawn Santa… You live at the freaking’ North Pole. And YES, I know what your gong to say- Before we got into that little argument senior year of high school (‘Class of 1632’ Go Snowmen!) it was nice tropical beachfront property. But you had it coming. I told you that I had a crush on Josephine! She was my Homecoming date, Chris! But you just HAD to take her to the prom didn’t you? I hear that you and her got married right after high school too. I’m really happy for you guys. Of course, I also hear the two of you put on a few pounds. Some people where even saying that Josephine got plain out fat now, but I stood up for you. We’re all getting older, you know!.. Did I mention I’m dating Christy Brinkly now? Because I am.

So, long story short, I’m sorry about last year. I promise not to try and take over Christmas again this year. I have turned a new leaf, and been good all year long. I will never, ever, EVER try to screw you over and steal Christmas again. So, here are just a few little items on my wish list:

1. Grenade Launcher.
2. Reindeer poison.
3. Fireplace with automatic collapsing spiked walls.
4. Razor blade filled cookies (and milk) (The Gold Edition Box Set)
5. High School Musical on DVD

I think that’s about it. If you want to throw in any stocking stuffers like candy, toys, CDs, automatic weapons or chloroform, that’s completely up too you… Did I mention that I’m dating Christy Brinkly now? Because I am.

Love,

Jack Frost (Class of ’32)